On the way to us

https://youtu.be/bcNr9SXdsMQ?si=ERFPKArXgm-VNUyb This video challenges the common notion of love as overcoming obstacles and highlights the mistake many people make in dating: pursuing those who are emotionally unavailable or unenthusiastic (0:44-1:07). The video argues that our cultural narratives and personal histories often lead us to believe that love requires persuasion, begging, or chasing (0:32-0:39). It suggests that childhood experiences with unreliable parental figures can further reinforce this idea that love is about unfulfillment, frustration, and feeling unworthy (1:47-2:47). The key takeaway is that we should only pursue relationships with individuals who demonstrate genuine enthusiasm and commitment from the outset (0:08-0:16, 3:45-3:54). The video emphasizes the importance of recognizing and focusing on those who are "keen, open, and ready" (0:26-0:29), and to quickly dismiss those who are evasive, defensive, or unreliable (4:37-4:40, 4:55-4:57). Ultimately, ...

Assisted by ChatGPT I am making an effort on the dating apps, because I don't want to die single. However dating online is oftentimes mildly frustrating.  Case in point...  To ChatGPT: Assess her response. Seems a little on the disengaged side? Would someone in wisemind respond? If yes how? Being warm twice doesn't seem worthwhile, and if anything reflecting her energy not wiseminded? You’re reading this pretty accurately—and you’re also asking the right question (Wise Mind vs. anxiety-driven over-adjusting), which matters more than the specific text you send. 1. Assessing her response (fact, not story) “Hi Darren thanks” is: Polite ✔️ Minimal ✔️ Neutral ✔️ Not explicitly disengaged ❌ Not showing enthusiasm ❌ So the facts say: low investment so far, not rejection. The mind wants to jump to “she’s not interested” or “I need to compensate”. Wise Mind says: data point, not a verdict. 2. What isn’t Wise Mind here You already named these accurately: Being warm twice...

Emily's post.  This resonated with me  https://www.instagram.com/reel/DS1TtccjjtY/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

This is a wonderfully fun Ted talk about flirting.  Why and how to do it effectively. ... https://youtube.com/watch?v=RXwQ7_hlL3g&si=Q4c6VY8L7byspU8o Key take away: flirting means the act of making another person feel seen, special And acknowledged.  How... Confidence means doing your intentions and reading the room. 

Part 2 of the confidence building ritual for dating.  This time integrating DBT skills.  Here’s a clean, ready-to-use “Confidence Ritual for Dating”—as if we’re resuming that earlier conversation. I’ll give you the script, the steps, the DBT hooks, a recording-style transcript, plus your usual intelligence-boost snippet, witty line, and a wise principle. --- 🎤 Recording-Style Script (as if you’re listening to it before a date) (Soft, calm, confident tone) “Hey Darren. Pause for a moment. Feel your feet on the ground. You’ve shown up today, and that already means something.” “Breathe in… slow. Breathe out… slower.” “You’re not here to impress anyone. You’re here to connect. You’re curious, open, warm—and your job is simply to notice the human being in front of you.” “Remember: confidence is not a feeling. Confidence is a behavior. You act confident first, then the nervous system catches up.” **“Today, your only goals are three things: 1. Be present. 2. Ask curious questions th...

AaOct2025 and I on Coffee Meets Bagel Nice conversations, we both love chatting about our dogs.  She seems supportive and warm. I hoped to connect on a deeper level by bringing up new/interesting things from IG to our text conversations, didn't work well. She didn't really ask a lot of questions about me or move the conversation forward much.   On the last topic, I sent her by Tracy McMillan - a woman who talked about how to love yourself.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3fIZuW9P_M   1. two people who are at peace with themselves make a healthy - non-codependent - and wholesome relationship.  2. most people think 'my life will be whole when I find someone to love/be-loved by'.   This is unwise and is at the bottom of McMillan's divorce.  You can love yourself by making vows to yourself,  'Through sickness/health, wealthy/poor, I will be there for myself!'  The speech title was grabby, but it was an upsetting topic for AaOct20...

 Have a lot of trouble responding to messages because I have a lot of anxiety that I would say something offensive or embarrassing.  So I used Chatgpt to generate a self-affirmation ritual below.  I have doubts it would be as effective as I want it to be, but I feel that I don't have a choice if I want to meet the woman of my life.  🎙️ Confidence Ritual Recording Script Intro (set the scene) “Take a breath. Feel your feet on the ground. You are safe. You are present. You are about to connect with someone new, and you get to show up as yourself — nothing more, nothing less.” 2. Anchor in Strength (Expanded Affirmations) “Remember who you are: You are creative . You’ve thrown yourself into improv, and that creativity shines in how you play, explore, and laugh. You are thoughtful . You notice details, ask real questions, and care about people’s stories.   Remember the DBT group – and the wonderful card they wrote for ...