Why this Blog?

Finding the intimate and happy relationship that I want is really challenging. 

I hope that the knowledge that I share here will help in the journey to discover both myself and the woman of my dreams.  

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The Nightmare

 Since my earliest childhood memories, I have been reliving a nightmare.  I am condemned to a dark maze with walls that are about a hundred feet apart and seem to stretch to infinity.  Peoples' screams, and yelling echo throughout the foggy maze and the ground is, uneven, moist, and slippery.  There is a disembodied voice that whispers in my ear to find my family in hell in order to escape it.  My sisters are among me, and parents are nowhere to be seen.  I turn to look around and then turn back to my sisters and they are also gone.  I am all alone, cold, and tired.  I awake in the physical world, but the nightmare continues.  My family is here but I get no warmth, trust, or love; only an unforgiving contempt.  I am a family of one.   Aviles have accepted me as a son and a brother. I am family, I would do anything for them.   Still in my heart the confusion, fear, and pain remains; just the same as when I was in the f...
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Shyness

 How to defeat shyness:  First, Why is it important to overcome my shyness?   I need to face the reality that unless I overcome shyness, I will die alone.  I will need to realize the greater fear of dying alone is greater.  .....CBT hasn't helped.  ... I will have a first session with a dating coach this Friday.  She mentioned using exposure strategies as a way to work through my fears and shyness.  ... I have read a lot of books and workbooks but I think this didn't help because I failed to properly implement them.  Insight from doing DBT workbook:  the more I avoid, the more likely I will avoid next time. 
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Comparison of ACA 12 Steps vs. DBT Skills: Strengths and Weaknesses

Both **Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) 12 Steps** and **Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills** offer structured approaches for emotional healing and personal growth. However, they differ in philosophy, application, and structure.   --- ### **ACA 12 Steps (Adult Children of Alcoholics)** **Strengths:**   1. **Addresses Deep-Rooted Childhood Trauma** – The ACA 12 Steps specifically help those who grew up in dysfunctional families, focusing on healing childhood wounds.   2. **Spiritual Foundation** – Encourages reliance on a Higher Power, which can be comforting for those who value faith-based recovery.   3. **Structured Step Work** – Provides a clear step-by-step process to work through past emotional wounds and dysfunctional behaviors.   4. **Community Support** – Offers meetings and sponsors for guidance, making it a highly supportive peer-driven model.   5. **Focus on Emotional Sobriety** – Encourages emotional stability and healthy relationships, ...
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